Weekly Warning 7/12/09

Never list your dog as one of your children in the newspaper.

I was rearranging Regan's baby book at a doctor's appointment when a passing acquaintance picked up the birth announcement from six years ago.

"Dave and Christy joyfully announce the birth of their daughter, Regan. Regan joins siblings Wesley age 2 and Zoe age 8." The person I barely know reads. "That's sweet."

Then the person cocks their head. "I didn't know you had Zoe."

As I attempted to extricate my fingers from the double sided tape I was using, I crankily answered, "Yeah, well, what can I do with the evil idiot? Once we adopted her, she really turned out to be a total witch. She's won't stop licking our toes and she's got really bad gas. If I have to clean up her messes one more time, she's going to live outside."

When I looked up from the tape, the acquaintance looked like she was having a heart attack. "I don't believe you." She gasped. "How could you adopt a kid with an attitude like that and you a social worker!"

It was then I realized they thought Zoe was human and not the totally meglo-maniacal Australian Shepherd. I tried to correct her error but she hurried off, aghast at my insensitivity.

I'm expecting a call from Child Protective Services soon.

I'm bbbbaaaccckkkk!

Yes, I'm back in the saddle again.

So much has changed over the last six months. I am now a certified elementary school teacher. I start the new school year in about 3 weeks and will be assigned to a Pre-Kindergarten class in my county's school district.

Very sad about leaving the Tree House but a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do. That includes insurance for family.

Please stay tuned. To celebrate my return from the Great Beyond (or at least the neighboring county), I'm going to be doing a yarn contest.

Good-bye!

It's with a heavy heart that I'm discontinuing this blog for awhile. My job, kids, volunteering, knitting, and other commitments have begun to overwhelm me. I won't delete Hissyknit but this is my last post until my life gets back to normal--whatever that is.

I've had fun doing this and I wish all of you reading Hissyknit well.

Weekly Warning 2/8/09

Replace broken lids as soon as possible.

Dave broke the cover to our sugar bowl a couple of weeks ago.

Since then, I have poured coffee into the sugar bowl. I have caught Regan licking the sugar out of the bowl. Zack the Collie had a suspicious white dusting across his snout. I don't think it's cocaine but rather Splenda. My newly picked flowers have sugar inside after Wesley sneezed in the kitchen near the sugar bowl. Not to be outdone, I hit the sugar spoon with a wet sponge which caused the spoon to flip the sugar which landed in my hair. Wet suger plus hair equals concrete.

I've bought more sugar and Splenda in the last month to finance a small third world country. So I am going to bite the bullet and buy a new sugar bowl complete with top so Zack will not have to go sugar-rehab.

Weekly Warning 1/31/09

Wear a pair of non-hole-y underwear while vacuuming your car.

Dear People Who Own the Vacuum at the Service Station,

Please find enclosed several bills:

The first bill is for $34.95. This is to replace my pants as the hole in your vacuum hose sucked my pants off my leg.

The second bill is $1.09. This is to replace the Diet Dr. Pepper your hose sucked up and then threw up on my black leather boots.

The next bill is for $54.99. Cost of replacement to aforementioned boots.

The fourth bill is for $65.00. Cost of steam cleaning my brand new car’s carpet to remove regurgitated Dr. Pepper.

The last is for $15925.00. This is the cost of relocation across the country to head off any embarrassment suffered by me on account of your monster vacuum and your insensitive employees.

Please note that I know that adults should not wear Scooby Doo underwear in case something like this happens but this does negate the fact that your vacuum cleaners are destructive.

Pantlessly yours,
Christy

Weekly Warning 1/25/09

Everything changes but everything stays the same.

Wesley was singing "Figure 8". You know, from Schoolhouse Rock from the '70s. "Figure 8 is really great..." (My personal favorite is "The Shot Heard 'Round the World".) I was so excited to find out that Wesley's school was using these educational classics.

Dave even dug up our old VHS tapes so Wesley could listen to them. I started reminiscing on how some of them really helped me pass some tests. Remember the Preamble song? We, the People, in order to form a more perfect union.... Saved my butt in a college Civics exam. "Really, Wes," I started waxing poetically, "it'll help you in history, math, grammar and more! I'm glad your teacher uses them."

Wesley, very innocently, tells me his core teacher (the one who teaches reading, writing and more) doesn't use them but his music teacher does--as an example of a chorus.

I guess it shouldn't matter where he learns US expansion in the 1800's. It could be by book or maybe by learning "Elbow Room". I just shut up, be grateful and hum "Conjunction Junction".

Give me a Sed-a-give

My new project was the Sunday Market Shawl from Knit Fish. It's free from her site. Beautiful pattern but at the end you drop stitches. I was shaking like a leaf and seriously needed some wine before I did it.

I used a totally different yarn than what she used. I'm desperately trying to use up my stash before it consumes my basement. The yarn I'm using is Berroco Cotton Twist in Morandi Mix colorway (about 4 skeins). This yarn is 70% cotton with 30% rayon. It has a gorgeous sheen to it but it's splitty.


While I was knitting it.


Finished shawl.

FYI, the title is from "Young Frankenstein" if you didn't catch the reference. If you have not seen it, please drop everything and go buy it.